The Modesty Panel: What I Wear is None of your Damn Business.

This post is part of The Modesty Panel, a series focusing on the concept of modesty from the perspectives of various bra bloggers. Each of us has experiences, beliefs and assumptions about modesty that influence how we blog about breasts, and this week we are taking the time to share our views. Make sure to check some of the other posts out!

When I was 16, I was still at that inbetween phase with clothes, where you haven’t quite found what you love or really works on you . I loved colours and patterns, but as a teenager with big boobs, I was pretty limited in the shirt department. I mostly stuck to plain vest tops with pretty skirts, so my usual outfit was something like the below. It was pretty, comfortable, cool in hot weather…basically, it ticked all the boxes. The only “problem” is that it showed a bit of cleavage. Which, for a 16 year old in the middle of summer, really wasn’t a big deal.

Me at 16

After class one day, I was walking home with my then-boyfriend, when we passed a group of guys. You know the type – loud, obnoxious, and as I’m sure you can predict, they started making lewd comments at me. It wasn’t new. It’s something I got used to pretty much as soon as I hit puberty. I could write a whole post on catcalling alone, but that isn’t what I want to talk about today. My boyfriend was furious. Not because I had been harassed, not because I can’t even walk down the street without being blatantly objectified and disrespected. He was furious because of what I was wearing. Because my top showed some cleavage, he accused me of looking for attention. My boyfriend of nearly 2 years decided that I must want to be catcalled. He called me a lot of names I won’t repeat, and demanded I start wearing t-shirts.

All of that because I was wearing a vest top. Sure, I could change what I wear, and it might result in a few less comments. But why should I have to? What’s so wrong with my breasts? Why was the problem me?

Dressing modestly isn’t itself problematic, but it being seen as the only acceptable choice is. I have no qualms with people covering up, and I have no qualms with people showing skin. Neither is inherently liberating, and neither is necessarily better than the other. What I do have a problem with is when modesty is used to control women’s clothing choices, to make judgements about someone’s character, or used as justification to view them as lesser.

Image via Sabrina Tamayo

One of the most infuriating things to me is that those who are comfortable showing a little more skin are assumed to have no self-respect. Even worse, there are then people who say, “If you don’t respect yourself, why should I respect you?”, which is one of the least logically sound things I can think of. Everyone deserves a basic level of respect, and denying it by using something as trivial as skirt length, which can tell you absolutely nothing about someone’s morals, character or self-worth, is absurd. If someone dislikes me or disagrees with me, I would hope it is due to something of actual substance. When someone says “have some self-respect”, what I actually hear is “behave in a way that I deem good enough for me to respect you”. It’s really nothing to do with how much self-respect someone has. It is a judgemental statement, made to shame people for having different preferences or standards.

To me, self-respect is about putting myself first. It means I don’t wear clothes I’m uncomfortable in, just because other people think I should. It means caring about my health and well-being. It means I don’t have to smile and bear it when people are rude to me, or maintain relationships that are bad for me. It means knowing what I deserve, and that I deserve to pursue it.

In no way does it mean I have to dress conservatively. As someone who shares pictures of herself in lingerie in her spare time, I think it’s pretty clear that I’ve never really been a fan of modesty. I’m not insecure, and I’m not looking for attention or validation. I just don’t see what the fuss is about. It’s just a body, and if I want to wear clothes that emphasise my boobs, I will. Likewise, if I feel like covering up a bit more, I will. Neither option says anything about me as a person, and I refuse to let anyone tell me how I should dress. What I wear is nobody’s business but mine – even if it’s not “modest”.

For more posts on modesty, check out the links below:
Boosaurus
Braless In Brasil
By Baby’s Rules
Contrary Kiwi
Fussy Busty (Amy)
Fussy Busty (Nicole)
Hourglassy (Darlene)
Hourglassy (Off The Rack)
Hourglassy (Corporate Curves)
Hourglassy (Abreast Abroad)
Miss Underpinnings
Nothing Ever Fits
Obsessed with Breasts
Red Hair and Girly Flair
Sophia Jenner
Sophisticated Pair
That Bra Does Not Fit Her
The Tit Rambler
Thin and Curvy
Two Cakes on a Plate
Undiegamer
Weirdly Shaped and Well Photographed
Wide Curves

S Wiśniówka Review and PL Comparison

As anyone who has learned about proper bra fitting will know, there are some bra sizes that are hardly manufactured, if even made at all. In particular, women who need sub-28 bands and J+ cups will often have difficulty finding their size.  Ewa Michalak are one of the brands, or perhaps even the only brand, that will make these sizes on demand, but in the highest cup sizes there has previously only been one choice of style: the Ewa Michalak plunge bra (PL). However, EM have recently released a new style, the “S”, specifically designed for large breasts. The style is intended to provide better support and uplift than the PL, bringing the breasts up and centre. I’ve found the S to be a huge improvement, so I decided to properly compare the two styles. This is a very picture-heavy post, so there will be a page jump after the S review.

This is the S Wiśniówka, the first S bra to be released, and my new favourite bra. It’s fairly basic in terms of appearance, but I’ve found the comfort, fit, shape and support to be absolutely outstanding. I had read that the S bra runs about half a cup bigger than the PLs, so I opted to try this bra in a 30JJ (65JJ). My UK size is usually a 30JJ, but it’s worth pointing out that I seem to have had a growth spurt recently, and am now between a 30JJ/K. The band feels like a fairly standard 30, stretching to about 30.3 inches. I feel I could do with sizing up in the cups - I don’t have any overspill, but it is cut quite open on top, so I do have a touch more Marie Antoinette style cleavage than I think there’s meant to be. I have also noticed that my boobs seem to push the cups down a bit throughout the day, another sign of them being too small. I’d say I could wear either a 30JJ or 30K, but the 30K would probably fit better, it would just be more full coverage.

While it isn’t made to give show-stopping cleavage, the construction is more stable and supportive. Some people have found to be very pointy, but I haven’t found this at all – it seems to give a very uplifted, natural profile. The strap placement is slightly too wide, but it’s definitely an improvement over the PLs, something I’ll go into further down the page! The centre gore is nice and narrow, and about the same height as Bravissimo’s balconettes (~2cm higher than a PL). The wires are about the same height under the arm as a PL, but the wires are very narrow, so the highest point is further forwards. This means the sides of the bra are significantly lower than bras with comparable wire heights, which is great considering how high some full-bust bras are cut. It has four columns of 3 hooks and eyes and fully adjustable straps, although I actually found the straps were very short, so that might be something to keep in mind if you need long straps.

It really is a lovely bra, and definitely worth a try for anyone who didn’t find the PLs to work on them. One good thing is that just about every size has been made and tested on a person to check the construction is sound, but this does mean that some sizes might be unavailable until they’ve been tested. Band sizes go from 24-46, and the cups are 32E-32KK and all corresponding sister sizes. The bad is that EM prices have recently gone up, and they’ve added a 20zł surcharge for any custom order sizes. This meant that for me to order just this bra, after postage and charges, cost £37 (177zł). Some people might find it worth it, some might not, but it’s something to keep in mind. Personally, I think a padded bra in my size range with this construction is definitely worth the extra cost. Anyone reading from the homepage, click the read more to see an in-depth comparison of the PL and S construction.

Why I Believe Bra-Fitting is a Feminist Issue

As most of my readers will know, I consider my blog to be primarily a lingerie and feminism blog. However, at least on my wordpress, feminism posts have been far and few between – my blog focus is usually on bra fitting and reviews. What I haven’t mentioned is that I consider bra fitting itself to be a feminist issue, and today I thought I’d take a minute to give a few reasons why.

Starting with the simple, the most obvious function of a bra is to support. This is particularly important, of course, for sports. In the words of Beckie from Busts4Justice, a well-fitting bra is “the difference between a sedentary life filled with self-consciousness and discomfort and an active one filled with trampolines”. For exercise, a well-fitting bra is absolutely crucial for many people, and yet most of them go without. Unsupportive bras mean bouncing and ligament pain, which discourages women from physical activity, thereby keeping them less fit. Putting it like that makes it sound like a huge conspiracy, but that is one of the results of bad bra fitting being so widespread, and a clear reason to see bra-fitting as a feminist issue. Poorly-fitting bras can also cause health problems in day-to-day life: from the well-known issue of back pain, to blisters and cuts from rubbing.

Image from Shock Absorber

Of course, there are much more complicated issues when it comes to bra-fitting. Numerous body image issues are caused, both directly and indirectly, by poorly-fitting bras. The vast majority of stores fit people into wrongly sized bras that are unsupportive, cause quadboob and add back fat, which is a problem in itself. But when these sizes don’t work, instead of changing their fit methods, the bra industry releases “miracle bras” (which never help) to get rid of aforementioned sagging, overspill and back fat. People who don’t realise that poorly-fitting bras are the cause of these things are further exploited by companies looking to profit, and when these “miracle bras” don’t work, they come to believe that their bodies are just “wrong”. They begin to think that bras that fit well and look nice are impossible for them. For many people, the appearance of their breasts and the trouble finding clothes can lead to insecurity about their looks, and often hatred of their breasts and body. Body dysmorphia is a huge problem alone, but when it is either caused or worsened by something that should be so easy to change, I can’t help but find it incredibly saddening.

Image from Victoria’s Secret

On a somewhat similar note, I feel bra sizing can play a huge role in body acceptance. I feel that accepting that you should wear (for example) a 30HH, rather than a 36DD, can be one of the biggest things you can do when it comes to accepting your body. Women are constantly told they need to be smaller, to be daintier, to take up less space, and bra sizing hasn’t escaped this. Many bra manufacturers seem to want us to believe we should all fit into 32-40 AA-E (DDD), and that if you’re out of that range, you must either be a porn star, a child, or a freak. I know women who have cried upon being resized, because of the messages they’ve absorbed about breast size. This image, which I’m sure everyone has seen, is exactly the kind of thing I’m talking about. Cup sizes over an E carry a weird stigma where those who wear them are simultaneously sexualised and ridiculed. Those with big breasts are too often assumed to be stupid, or accused of being “attention-seeking sluts”, solely because of their bra size. I don’t think I need to start on how fucked up that is.

Image from “Bra-Meter” app

I feel that learning how bra sizing actually works means separating your breasts from all of the messages and labels so commonly associated with various cup sizes. It means realising that your bra size isn’t constant, that these labels are arbitrary, and that your size doesn’t define you. When you understand bra fitting, you start to deconstruct the size-shaming and slut-shaming associations, and you realise that your breast size has nothing to do with who you actually are. And personally, I can’t see how that doesn’t relate to feminism.

If you’d like more information on proper bra fit, check out this article on Busty Resources. For a more appropriate view of the bra alphabet, and for examples of properly fitted women, check out this article by Fuller Figure Fuller Bust.

My Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad “Thrill Me” Habit

Back in June, I reviewed all of the unpadded Curvy Kate sets I owned, and I also mentioned that I had bought the Thrill Me in Jade/Fuschia in a 30J, which fit more like a 30HH/32H. Well…that was a bit of a slippery slope. I’ve since bought more sets and, since I took lots of pictures for my SIAB entry, I thought I’d share a few.

The Jade/Fuschia in a 30J, size 14 shorts. The set that sparked my love for this set, in all of its ruffley, jewel-bright, two-cups-too-small glory…sigh.

The second set I acquired: Grape/Jade in a 30J, for which I own both the thong and shorts in a 14. Once again, it fits two cups too small for me, it has a stretchy band, and I still absolutely love it. I don’t know what it is with me and ruffles, or the Marie Antoinette style cleavage, or this combination of vibrant purple and jade, but whatever it is, it means that I am hopelessly in love.

And finally, the Azure/Plum in a 30J, size 16 shorts. A bit different in this much more subdued colour, but still just as gorgeous. I found all three bras to fit pretty similarly. For anyone wondering if they could get away with going down from their usual size (or anyone who wants a laugh…), here are the various stages of bra wear. As soon as I put it on (and stuff my boobs into the cups)…

After a few hours of wear…

And if I scoop and swoop properly…

And that, children, is why we shouldn’t stuff ourselves into bras that are clearly much too small. Yet of all the people who should know better, I just can’t help myself. It’s like lingerie Stockholm syndrome: no matter how badly it fits, no matter how many times I hastily tuck my nips back in, I constantly convince myself that the fit isn’t that bad, that it’s okay to carry on wearing. Not to mention my burgeoning desire for more Tease Me sets. Gulp.

Sadly (or should that be luckily?), Curvy Kate has already discontinued the Thrill Me, and the Tease Me is going the same way after SS13 not in AW13 but should be back in SS14, making room for new styles. You’d think this would encourage me to step away from the Showgirls, but if anything, it just means I’ve started looking for them everywhere so I can stock up before they disappear. Problem? Me? Nah.

As I said, these were my SIAB entry pics. Obviously I didn’t get through, but on a related note, voting for the top 10 has just opened. If you haven’t voted already, go check it out here!

 

Sexism and children: Why it’s not “just a joke”.

Today’s post is going to be a bit different from the usual. A couple of weeks ago, my niece turned 4. I’ll be honest, I find it quite hard to pick presents for my princess-loving nibling! I like giving her something a bit different from the mountains of pink, so I usually try to find her something princess-with-a-twist, and this time, it seems I picked a pretty good one: a Princess Merida dress with a bow and arrow set.

When she opened it, she was so excited to find a princess dress, but she had no idea what the bow and arrow was. After I explained what it did, and I showed her a picture of Princess Merida wielding it, she couldn’t wait to try it out. So I started showing her how to use it. Obviously it’s just a toy, and it isn’t all that sturdy, which means you have to hold it a very specific way to shoot it, and the arrows only go a few feet.

While I was trying to show her how to use it, I started hearing comments from a couple of men standing behind me.

“What’s this, a girl teaching a girl?! Hahahaha! Well that’s never going to work!”
“What does she think she’s doing?! Having a bit of trouble there, love? Want me to take over?”

I ignored them. When she got the elastic lined up and tried shooting it for the first time, the arrow slipped sideways.

“Ahahahah! Well, what did we expect from a girl? Leave it to the men next time, eh?”

Forgive the language, but what the fuck? Really? I am teaching a 4 year old girl how to use a bow and arrow. She has never done anything like this before, and it is hard to get right. And these two absolute asshats think it’s appropriate to stand there ridiculing both of us on the basis of us being female?

Let’s get one thing straight. Comments like this are not a joke. Society constantly bombards us with messages of what we’re supposed to be, how we’re supposed to act, what we should enjoy. If you say things like this, a child will not think you are joking. You are telling her that she is, at core, incompetent, because she is a girl. You are giving her the impression that it is absurd for women to be smart, or to be able to teach or explain. They knew nothing about me, and they assumed that I was stupid because I am a woman. You are telling her that she is expected to fail at anything she attempts that isn’t regarded as a female pursuit. You are telling her that anything she does, a man will be able to do it better.

I told her to ignore them, but I could see the seed of doubt forming. The look of confusion, then unease, the wondering if she should really be doing this. And it doesn’t stop with the use of a bow and arrow, something that (let’s be honest) doesn’t have many real-world applications. I’ve heard similar comments whenever she tries to play with her brother’s toys: lego is for boys, girls don’t play football. Even just looking around at the shops, the message is clear: Construction toys, science toys, sports and superheroes fill the boys’ section; Kitchens, dolls, cosmetics and princesses fill the girls’, something that infuriates me no end!

They’re all little things. A kitchen joke here, a casual “leave it to the men” there, an amused look of surprise when a girl is interested in a stereotypically male-pursuit. Adults may be able to separate these jokes from reality, but kids haven’t yet developed the perspective to do so. Individually, these jokes might be nothing. But they add up, and together they create an environment where our children learn the realities of sexism from the moment they begin to talk. It perpetuates a culture in which the things that we can and should do are dictated by gender. And it normalises the idea that women are lesser simply because they are women.

I don’t pretend to think that this post will eliminate sexist jokes and thereby conquer sexism, but please, consider the things you say around children, and realise that sexist comments can have a much greater effect than you would think – even if they’re “just a joke”.

My Hunt for a Sports Bra

A while back Freya announced the expansion of their Freya Active line up to a K cup, and I got my paws on one of their sports bras in December. So, this is a review that’s been a long time coming! As far as I’m aware, there are only three sports bras up to a K cup: the Freya Active Underwire, the Royce Impact Free and the Bravissimo Inspire. The Inspire has only just come onto the market, so I haven’t had a chance to try it yet, but I can review the other two!

The main reason I’ve been dithering about posting this for so long is that I’ve made videos for both bras doing a bounce test, and I’ve been weighing up whether it’s worth the trolls and pervy comments! But, I’m sure it’ll be found useful, so I’ve decided to include the videos, though you might want to up the quality on each one. For comparison, I first did a bounce test in a regular, well-fitted, balconette bra. This is the Boudoir Beau, reviewed here:

The first sports bra I got was the “nude” Freya Active Underwire in a 30JJ, my usual size. So far it’s only available in nude, black and white, but hopefully this will change at some point!

The Freya Active Underwire is an encapsulation style sports bra. The cups are constructed with a horizontal seam straight across, which tends to give a pointed shape with a low apex on larger boobs, though I didn’t find the shape too bad. The unadventurous colour and pointed shape mean it’s not really made to be outerwear, so I’d definitely chuck a top on before going to the gym in this! It has wide, padded comfort straps, and four sets of four hooks and eyes. I also really appreciated the Coolmax fabric and mesh panels, designed to wick away sweat during exercise. I found the combination of sweat-wicking fabric and separation was great for keeping cool!

In my initial trying on I believed it was true to size in the cups and band, but a zumba session later, I found I had empty space in the cups (due to the too-wide wires) and was wishing for a tighter band. I measured the stretched band as 31.5 inches, and, given the empty space at the sides, I think I would ideally wear a 28JJ in this. However, in a 28 band, this stops at a G cup. Yes, really. So, since I can’t return it any more, I’ve had to wear it on the third set of hooks with the straps tightened to get better support.

In terms of bounce reduction, it’s definitely a huge improvement from a regular balconette bra, though I’d like to try with a cup down. Due to where the neckline is, I have some tissue escaping on top, which I don’t really like during exercise.

I think it would be perfect for me if the neckline was a bit higher, and the band was more true to size. I would also love to see it in more fun designs and bright colours – for instance, I love the Jet and Magenta colourways of the H-cup versions. Overall I’d say it’s a definite improvement from a regular bra, but I wouldn’t wear it for high impact activities.

The second sports bra I have is the Royce Impact Free. I had heard that it runs small in the cups, while the band runs either small or true to size (depending on the colourway). With this in mind, I decided to try out a 30K in the Grey Marl.

Unlike the Freya, this is a compression style bra, so it doesn’t have “cups”, as such, and there is no separation. This means it has a mono-boob effect, which isn’t for everyone! Because it works through compression, it is quite minimising from the side, and it gives a fairly rounded shape. It has padded comfort straps which are quite close-set on the front, though I found they kept moving outwards at the back. I think this may be because the sides taper to the band very suddenly. Combined with my flared ribcage, the straps aren’t kept central very well, and are going to move out!

It has the standard three sets of three hooks and eyes, and a velcro cover so the bra can be worn as outerwear (if you’re so inclined)! Personally I’d be pretty tempted, as I think it’s stunning for a sports bra. Saying that, it kept getting some odd puckering along one of the seams, making it look like your nipples have popped out to say hi. Which, I assure you, mine hadn’t – it’s the seam! Also, a lot of people have reported having trouble with the velcro curling up, though mine hasn’t started doing this yet.

It sports a very wide band, which I think is great for extra support. At first, I thought the band was far, far too small – I needed assistance to get it done up! After some trial and error, I found it was much easier to do it up and then put on the straps and place my breasts into the cups. I measured the stretched band as 29.5 inches, so it’s on the small end of a 30. However, at least in my case, I think it has to be to give the best support. Once I had worked out how to put it on without strangling myself, I found it to be a fairly good fit all over. I’d be tempted to try a cup down just to see, but as far as I can tell, this size is fairly spot on!

Compared to the Freya, I found this bra much better for bounce reduction. Due to the high neckline, I had no tissue escaping, and I felt much better supported. I was a bit annoyed, actually – I had bought this on a whim and wasn’t expecting to keep it! Others may not like the high neckline, as I imagine it would be hard to cover with a vest top or similar. But, in my size, it really does need to be this high for support and coverage. The downside of the Royce is that it doesn’t have sweat-wicking fabric, and as it’s a compression bra, you’re very much smooshed together. This meant that I got a lot sweatier exercising in this bra!

So all in all, my main problems are the lack of sweat-wicking material, and the wide strap placement at the back. I think I’m going to try using a strap converter to turn it into a racerback, as this should relieve the problem I have with the strap placement. Aside from that, I think this is a pretty great bra. Most reviews I’ve read didn’t particularly like this bra, but I’ve found it to be the best sports bra I’ve tried. Who would’ve seen that coming?

Me and My Beau!

Anyone remember my long-term love affair with emerald green lingerie, particularly Bravissimo’s Boudoir Beau? Well, guess what I just got?

Hello, new favourite set! Yes, it’s an AW12 item which means it’ll probably go in sale imminently, but I couldn’t risk it going out of stock – God knows when the next emerald green J+ bra will come along! Please please please bra companies, more emerald green! Anyway, I’m not going to go into my usual spiel of why I love this bra, because I think it’s pretty clear. It’s emerald green, c’mon But I absolutely love the big bows on the gore and shorts, and I think the black lace details are just so sophisticated and sexy, particularly on smaller cups with no extra lining. As for the shorts, I think the fact that I own them shows that I absolutely adore them, as at £17 a pair, I’m much more the type to mix and match! In this case, I thought I might just have to treat myself!

I have the bra in a 30JJ and the briefs in a medium, and I would say that I could quite possibly go down a cup – it’s definitely on the generous side! It still seems to fit quite well in this size, but I think a cup down would give a slightly more rounded shape than I currently get. My hips are about 41-42 inches now (size 12/14 in most clothes) and the briefs are a good fit in a medium, so they seem to be true to size.

Apologies for the slightly wonky front view! Like most Bravissimo bras, I found it to give a lot of uplift and forward projection, bringing me front and centre. It gives a naturally uplifted, slightly pointed shape, though I think it would slightly rounder in a cup down – it might be worth trying a couple of sizes to get the best fit. The band feels like a nice, firm 30, and it sports the usual three hook fastening, along with fully adjustable straps. The gore and wire widths feels fairly standard for a Bravissimo balconette, which I tend to find just about spot on for me. Overall it is a really lovely bra, sure to be a firm favourite with those who get along well with Bravissimo! Ideally I’d like to try it in a 30J, but a lot of sizes have sold out now, so I’m glad I got this while I could!

Here’s hoping there’s a similarly fabulous colour next season!